coming down to where you're standing
by oh snap itz greed
Summary: summary: Rachel Berry and love, throughout the ages. WARNING: Not happy Finchel. This was one of my Cory coping fics.


_coming down to where you're standing _

_summary: Rachel Berry and love, throughout the ages. WARNING: Not happy Finchel. This was one of my Cory coping fics.  
_

She's sixteen when she realises she's in love. Not that teenage love, the one that's there and gone in an instant. It's that real, indescribable, for eternity love.

And she feels it with Finn.

Finn Hudson, the star of her dreams for the past two years was her true love. She loved him, she was in love with him, but she was now _in_ love with him.

It excites and scares her at the same time.

You're not supposed to feel this way so early. To find your true love in high school is both a blessing and a curse. High School's not forever. She's going to lose him, she's sure of it.

* * *

She's eighteen when she realises she's not in love with Brody. She thought she was. They were mature adults in a mature relationship. How could they not be in love?

There's someone else.

Someone else looming in the back of her mind. Someone with warm chocolate eyes, messy hair and the most adorable crooked smile. Finn Hudson was her true love since sixteen.

She faintly remembers thinking she'd lose him. And maybe she's right. Maybe this is how she loses him. Or he loses her. He lost to New York. A choice Rachel didn't want to make.

Maybe she's wrong.

Maybe there's still a chance for her and him. For them. As long as she's Rachel and he's Finn, she thinks there is.

* * *

She's wrong.

She lost him.

Not to Quinn. Not to some other girl, a career or a location. No, she loses him to death. She didn't want to ever lose him to death. She wanted to live her life with him right next to her.

To have him die. When he's twenty and she's nineteen. She realises she's got her entire life ahead of her. And she'll face it without him. Without Finn.

She doesn't want to face that. Her Finn. Gone. Forever. She doesn't want to face the possibility that they were never endgame. That fate strung them along to have fun. Even if it knew they wouldn't be.

* * *

She's twenty two when she realises she's in love again. It's this guy she met at her favourite bar. Yes, she's big on alcohol now. She's been reliant on it since Finn.

He's a tall man, with freckles and brown hair and the prettiest eyes you would ever see. She brings him to the apartment she still shares with Santana and Kurt, and introduces him.

She tries to ignore their stares.

"Rachel." Kurt begins gently. "Rachel do you find anything… familiar about him?" Rachel's a tad confused. "I don't know... He looks a bit like Sam. But with brown hair."

Santana groans. "Idiot, you're dating a carbon copy of Finn."

And that's when she realises. She's not really in love.

* * *

She's twenty nine when she wins her first Tony. Of course she aimed for it before she turned twenty seven, but she's got one and she's not going to complain. Out loud.

As the cheers and applause filled the room, her throat swelled and eyes watered. She immediately looked the crowd, hoping to see the one person she wanted to see the most.

Finn.

But obviously she doesn't. She sees her boyfriend Nick. Her lovely, adorable, funny Nick. He's taller then her, not exactly towering either. He has sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and a perfect-not crooked-smile.

In short he's the opposite of Finn.

She smiles, takes the award, and speaks into the mic. "I'd just like to thank all my friends-especially Kurt for supporting me and my dreams." A camera swivelled from her to Kurt.

He's smiling, clapping. Happy. That's what she wants. To be happy. She should be. But she's not. "And I'd like to congratulate him on his engagement!" Blaine squeezes his shoulder.

She's happy for them. She is. But she would give anything in the world for it to be her in the audience, watching Kurt congratulate _her_ on _her _engagement to Finn.

"Thanks to my boyfriend, Nick, for being my biggest fan. My Glee Club Director, William Schuester. And my Dads for pushing me through my life, and helping me reach my goals."

The applause starts off again, and she knows it's her cue to get down. But she doesn't. "I have to thank another person. A person who never stopped believing in me. Even when we were apart, he was my sole comfort back in High School and College. He drifted away after that. But if he's watching-I just want him to know I love him. And always will."

It starts again, another round of applause. This time a bit more heartfelt. Her eyes are stinging and her throat is closing up. When they get home, Nick off handedly asks her who she was talking about.

"Kurt's step brother. We were close in High School and freshman year of College, but we eventually just… lost touch." He seems to believe her, and she's so glad she became an actress.

* * *

She's thirty one when Michael gets down on one knee. Funnily enough, he proposed on the anniversary of her break up with Nick. She still remembers it. Just a few days after the Tony's. He managed to find the truth from Kurt, and demanded to know whether she loved him more.

And she couldn't answer him.

She was more honest with her relationship with Michael. She told him outright about Finn. And how she'll always love him. Maybe even more then she'll ever love another.

Michael accepted it. And eventually fell in love. Rachel couldn't help but be angry. At herself, and Michael. Mostly herself. She didn't want to lead him on. To make him think that maybe she'll love him more.

When he proposes she leans down, amidst stares and whispers into his ear. "I don't love you like I love him." He whispers back. "But he's not here, is he?"

She accepts.

* * *

She's thirty two when she has her baby. A beautiful baby girl with amber eyes and dark hair. When she first saw those eyes she freaked. Her baby had the same eye colour as Finn.

Michael explained that his Grandmother had eyes like that. And so, her fantasy began. Whenever Michael was at work, away, or even just in the other room, she imagined Finn was her baby's dad.

She would imagine the way he would play with her. The songs he'd sing to her. She imagined him getting over protective when she claims she'll get married to Jake Smith from across the road.

(Michael just laughed it off.)

* * *

She's forty four when she divorces him. Michael was caught in bed with his secretary (and could she blame him?) He deserves someone who loves him, truly. And she doesn't. So she makes it quick and painless.

Her kids don't go through the typical sadness. Erika seems to have seen it coming, James indifferent. They go through the motions, and don't bat an eye. They don't care. And eventually she doesn't either. Because the love she has for her children are enough.

* * *

She's fifty when she learns to let go. Rachel's nothing more then a washed up Broadway Star now. Fifty with wrinkles and greying hair. And she's also a mother in law. Erika's only seventeen (the same age she was when she was getting married to Finn) yet she seems so… ready.

When the vows are over, and the cake cut, it's time to dance. She manages to stay off the dance floor, until Liam (Michael and Miranda's son) pulls her up. "You okay, Aunt Rachel?" She laughs off the concern in his eyes. "Nothing. I just wish someone I loved was here to see this moment with me."

He nods in understanding. He's smart for a five year old, incredibly cute too. He's got those same, amber eyes as Erika and she can almost imagine him to be her grandchild. Her and Finn's. "Well, even if he isn't here, he wouldn't want you to be sad, would he? Put on a smile and have fun! And when you see him next, you can tell him all about it, and he would be happy too!"

Well, she didn't expect to get amazing advice from a child. But he's right. He's so right it hurts. Rachel bends down, and picks the squirming boy up. "Thank you Liam. That was just what I needed."

* * *

**A/N: Soo… that was a small ficlet that just sprung in my head and wouldn't go away. Sorry to anyone who's reading my Fairy Tail fics, I'm extremely busy in school, so that's hindering my writing time. This itself was in the works for a week.**

**-Ari xx **


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